MEN AND (WO)MEN: Part II

"lastly guys, dont explore other girls if you're already in deep exploration with another girl. you'll only be a heartbreaker."

Alamak! This one... I disagree. Girls, have you ever considered what are the different reasons? What if the brother is praying, and seeking God, and as best as he knows how, he is trying to find out who is the best sister in terms of character?

Of course, maybe there are other reasons. But I think we cannot have such a flat judgement of this without understanding the heart first and foremost.

In fact, about the point of heartbreaking, personally, I cannot stand it when a girl gives out mixed signals. We guys appreciate straightforward talk, given in true sincerity and honesty. Let your yes be yes, and your no, no! As Proverbs says, "An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips." Ladies, please respect men's feelings and don't waste their time + discourage them! That is just plain selfish.

I've seen so many girls who don't know how to say directly no... they're very nice, but do not know how to say it well. As a result, they leave the guy feeling cheated / played out. And for those who are direct, it seems to me that a lot of them are not sensitive. Why should this be so? Is this what Jesus wants?

I know of a few, a VERY few, sisters in church (I think only a couple of them) who, if a bro were to express interest in them but they're not interested, would say no in a caring way, and with the heart to help the bro be all he can be in Christ... such that the bro wld go away feeling even more refreshed and encouraged! Ironic? No! Not when you want to be a Christian. "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." But it seems to me that we more often than not take that salt and rub it into people's wounds.

I am speaking from the viewpoint of discipleship here. Don't regard others from a worldly viewpoint anymore. See from the viewpoint of Christ, can or not? Or the world will see no difference between you and the non-Christian girl. (I think I raised this point before in a certain Facebook post.)

There's this dear friend who said that if a guy were to express interest in her, but she wasnt' interested, she would feel put off and avoid the guy. The thing is, she knows that this attitude isn't biblical. But she didn't think much about changing her attitude here. And she's a good sister (in character) some more!

So it made me think. How serious are you about being Christlike, even in the way you say no? How serious are you about letting the Word of God override your feelings? Ladies, you want men who are not emotionally unstable. Right. We men like women who are also emotionally stable and honour the Word of God above their feelings... in fact, who let the Word of God DRIVE their feelings.

I think, at the core of it all, this is no longer abt bros or sisters, male or female. It is simply about whether you want to be a disciple or not. Think about it. Because ultimately, even in our relationships - or our rejection of relationships, we are called to be Christlike. Because... we are all sons of God, regardless of our gender.

Galatians 3:26-29

"You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise."

MEN AND (WO)MEN: Part I

Came across a sister's blog. She wrote this:

there are 5 things i want to emphasize about:

1) i cannot over emphasize this, but i cant stand men who are ultra..
childish; passive; insecure; stubborn; calculative; impatient; attention seeking; MCP; prideful & playboy.
i hope women can stop giving in to such characteristics of men while thinking that they'll change one day. face it, if you keep giving in to such traits of theirs, they will never change.

2) i also cant stop emphasizing that biblical men should lead biblical women. if women always have to take lead in making decisions, setting biblical standards, etc, God would have made women first than the men. if you feel that you're not leading as a guy, please do sth and stop being passive. if you're a girl and your guy aint leading, please pray and fast whether he's the right one for you.

3) the opposite gender aint your property or person that you own alone. the universe is not just centred between both of you. open your r/s for friends, leaders and family to come in.

4) loving the strengths and admiring inner and outer beauty is important. but whats equally important is that you're accepting and embracing each others' weaknesses and shortcomings too. love aint a bed of roses nor a fairytale. we're all still human.

5) lastly guys, dont explore other girls if you're already in deep exploration with another girl. you'll only be a heartbreaker.

I was thinking abt what she wrote, and well, of course it's impt and helpful. All the pts are very true... esp pt 2. However, I think we gotta look at it from the Bigger Picture: that these pts apply as much to girls as much as guys... (excepting pt 2)... which means that these pts are actually gender-neutral then.

1. I gotta speak up for the bros too, man. It irritates me to see the bros being given short shrift everytime. Somehow the bros seem to have the raw end of the deal. Look, is it always the bros' fault tt they are childish, impatient, passive and insecure, etc. etc.?

Whoa! I see the look of shock on your face. I'll clarify: is it always anyone's fault here? I'll ask you: is the church a hotel for perfect people... or is it a redemptive "repair" facility for those who have come out from darkness into light? Is it the church's role to condemn those who are ignorant? It's the church's role to judge those who deliberately do evil - in that case, "expel the wicked man from among you". But what if we men genuinely do not know what we are doing? In that case, WHO WILL TEACH US?

I mean, when I came in, I really knew nuts abt social maturity, interacting with others, friendship, godliness and all that. I came in with pride and arrogance and immaturity. And I struggled with loneliness for many years, being a social outcast in church, trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and crying out to God for an answer. And the worst part was when a subd leader just wrote this "encouragement": "I hope to see you grow in your r/p with people." That was all he wrote, which, frankly, sucks. The church failed miserably here.

Screw it lah. Thank God for bros who did care. They taught me to see that the Bible calls us to be godly. To be men. To be courageous. And they taught me skills and knowledge and understanding. And most of all, there were a few, a very few truly wise brothers, who actually showed me real grace. THEN the church shone gloriously here. Now, I have the joy of being a shepherd after TEN years. And in turn, I see other bros who also struggle in lostness and ignorance. So, yes, I do carry on the work of teaching and making disciples. BUT THE QUESTION IS: I WANT TO ASK, WHY DID THEY HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG UNTIL SOMEONE CARED ENOUGH TO REALLY DISCIPLE THEM? "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge," God lamented to Hosea.

I rest my case. It is not always the brothers' fault. Or the sisters' fault. Yes, there are people who will not listen. But how about those who have not even gotten the chance to hear? Brothers and sisters, will YOU go and teach us what the Lord wants of us?

"i hope women can stop giving in to such characteristics of men while thinking that they'll change one day. face it, if you keep giving in to such traits of theirs, they will never change."

This one, yes, I agree. It's important. But... I also want to say that this applies to women too. Godliness and character are gender-neutral.

2. All the other points, yes and amen. Still, I want to say that all these apply to the sisters too. In fact, I think sisters are often in danger of being deceived by their emotions and false thinkings more easily than brothers. Remember 2 Cor 11:3 and 1 Tim 2:14! (Man, I am so going to get bombarded for this statement. But yes, correct me if you think I'm wrong or unbalanced. But I'm just speaking my mind here about what I think is true.)

Hi friends. Sorry for the sudden departure recently.

I was feeling discouraged by the lack of comments in my blog, to be very honest. I know a couple of you said that you enjoy reading my blog, so I'm thankful for it. Still, as one dear brother understood, "Actually, it's like you've been giving and giving but not getting anything in return."

So I've taken a personal retreat and have moved my blog elsewhere. If you still want to read, just drop me an email or SMS me or just leave a comment here - especially if you like what I write. Have told a few bros who asked me already. It's nice to know that they care enough to ask. =)